Motherhood and Mathematical Monstrosities
On a sunny day:
The number of days of consecutive rain * the number of people in your family * the number of loads of washing you normally do in a day / the number of days of sunshine there are forecast before rain again = the chance, as a percentage, that the washing machine will choose today to die.
The amount of sleep required by the parents is inversely proportional to the amount of sleep required by the youngest member of your household. That is, when the parents really need a good night’s sleep, bub decides it’s the night to party, but when you need to get up early in the morning, your “toddler alarm” doesn’t go off, meaning you sleep and are running late, or you need to wake your baby to get out of the house on time.
The number of minor crises you can handle is greater than or equal to the number of children you have. When you had one child, dinner was usually do-able, but dinner and an explosive nappy was an occasion for tears. Now with six children you can cook dinner, make tomorrow’s lunches, listen to your six year old read aloud, keep an eye on the toddler playing with playdough, wash dishes as you go, deal with an explosive nappy and have an ear out to the eight year olds piano practice as long as the cat doesn’t vomit on the bed covers you just washed!
The bigger the pram and nappy bag, the smaller the baby.
1 hour / the number of children you currently have + 1 is how much time you have to get yourself ready each time you go out.
The more children you have to share your love with, the more love there is!